This is very artsy. I like it, though I doubt it will appeal to a wide audience.
Moving Along, but Adrift
11 years ago
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Yep, I caught it
I'm sick. Chest cold with sinus/ear/nose/throat involvement. You don't want details. Saw the doctor yesterday and am on antibiotic now. I suppose I'll feel better in a few days. In the meantime I'm trying to rest a lot and drink plenty of fluids.
I don't really feel bad, as such. Not good, but not terrible. Just stupid. I've got that dull brain thing that happens with illness. Happens to Superman all the time, and it's annoying when it's someone else. Pretty damned annoying when it's me, too.
So let's try to talk about last weekend. Yes, we went to northwest Georgia for the funeral of Superman's aunt. It was good, I guess. This is the first time in nearly 10 years, I think, that I've been to Superman's hometown, visited with his family. I've been staying home with Diva so she doesn't have to go for the past few years. After Diva assaulted me a couple of years ago she was "disowned" by my in-laws. So when Superman goes to visit them, Diva stays here with me. Also, the last time I went there was some strife, the details of which I now forget. Our relationship, me and the in-laws, has been rocky. Lots of miscommunication, misunderstanding, lack of patience, etc. We can be nice to each other sometimes if not for very long. This time we stayed with Superman's brother instead of his folks. That worked very well.
The funeral was a funeral. They're all Baptists, which is fine for them. The service itself was nice, I suppose. Visitation the day before was a bit odd. I hung out with Superman's uncle, the remaining brother of my MIL's sibs. There were four girls and two boys in their family. MIL is second from last in birth order. Oldest boy died of cancer over 10 years ago after chain smoking most of his life. Aunt Jackie, the nice one who died last week, was girl #2. Uncle Ronald is the remaining brother. He's something of a bad boy. He and I sat in the corner at the funeral parlor and told ribald stories. Shhh: don't tell my mother-in-law. For the most part I behaved myself. I don't think I said anything wrong. The best thing is for me to keep my mouth shut when I'm around them. So except for laughing at Uncle Ronald's stories and adding a couple of my own, I think I did OK. It was hard to keep my mouth shut, though. Especially when my sister-in-law showed up. She and I are very different. She spends a lot of time on her personal appearance: hair, makeup, clothes, etc. I don't. So she showed up for the visitation with her hair looking like she stuck her finger in a light socket. And I know she spent a long time getting her hair to stick out all over the place like that. It looked frightening. I didn't say a thing until Superman and I were alone at the end of the day when we could laugh just a little bit at her between ourselves.
We would have had a lovely time away from home if home hadn't kept calling. We'd been with the in-laws for less than an hour Saturday when Twitch called to tell us that Sproing had been arrested for shoplifting at Wal-Mart. The kid (Sproing, not Twitch) is supposed to be grounded, which means not leaving home. But he snuck out with his partner in crime, walked to the store and got caught shoplifting. The sheriff's deputy brought him home and released him to Twitch, who is for their purposes an adult. The deputy called me, though, and we talked about Sproing. I would like for her to have taken the little snake to jail, but she said they couldn't do that for a shoplifting charge. Oh well. Once he goes to court for this offense, though, he may get sent to the DJJ facility. Whatever. I've done what I can with the little snot. I'm sick and stupid. I can't talk to him.
We've done what we can, you know? Of course we haven't been perfect. There are probably a lot of things we could have/should have done differently. But we did our best. Are still trying to do our best. These little snots (both of them) can go hang. Right now I don't care.
Diva did OK, I think, this weekend. She doesn't seem to have caused any major trouble, at least none that we are aware of now. I appreciate that from her.
Also, on Saturday evening Twitch called telling us that the fireplace chimney wasn't drawing properly and there was smoke all through the house. Well, shit. Though when we got home Sunday night Superman couldn't find anything wrong with the chimney. It worked fine yesterday. Oh well. And while we were gone the dryer broke. The heating element quit working somehow. Superman took the back off the dryer yesterday and found the broken part. He showed me. It's small and has a name. Some kind of regulator thing. I don't remember because I am stupid today. But he's already ordered a replacement part and hopefully will have it fixed later this week.
I did some knitting over the weekend. Knitting is a good thing to do when visiting with my parents-in-law. It keeps my fingers busy, gives me an outlet for nervous energy, and provides a safe topic on which to speak. And that's all I know.
I don't really feel bad, as such. Not good, but not terrible. Just stupid. I've got that dull brain thing that happens with illness. Happens to Superman all the time, and it's annoying when it's someone else. Pretty damned annoying when it's me, too.
So let's try to talk about last weekend. Yes, we went to northwest Georgia for the funeral of Superman's aunt. It was good, I guess. This is the first time in nearly 10 years, I think, that I've been to Superman's hometown, visited with his family. I've been staying home with Diva so she doesn't have to go for the past few years. After Diva assaulted me a couple of years ago she was "disowned" by my in-laws. So when Superman goes to visit them, Diva stays here with me. Also, the last time I went there was some strife, the details of which I now forget. Our relationship, me and the in-laws, has been rocky. Lots of miscommunication, misunderstanding, lack of patience, etc. We can be nice to each other sometimes if not for very long. This time we stayed with Superman's brother instead of his folks. That worked very well.
The funeral was a funeral. They're all Baptists, which is fine for them. The service itself was nice, I suppose. Visitation the day before was a bit odd. I hung out with Superman's uncle, the remaining brother of my MIL's sibs. There were four girls and two boys in their family. MIL is second from last in birth order. Oldest boy died of cancer over 10 years ago after chain smoking most of his life. Aunt Jackie, the nice one who died last week, was girl #2. Uncle Ronald is the remaining brother. He's something of a bad boy. He and I sat in the corner at the funeral parlor and told ribald stories. Shhh: don't tell my mother-in-law. For the most part I behaved myself. I don't think I said anything wrong. The best thing is for me to keep my mouth shut when I'm around them. So except for laughing at Uncle Ronald's stories and adding a couple of my own, I think I did OK. It was hard to keep my mouth shut, though. Especially when my sister-in-law showed up. She and I are very different. She spends a lot of time on her personal appearance: hair, makeup, clothes, etc. I don't. So she showed up for the visitation with her hair looking like she stuck her finger in a light socket. And I know she spent a long time getting her hair to stick out all over the place like that. It looked frightening. I didn't say a thing until Superman and I were alone at the end of the day when we could laugh just a little bit at her between ourselves.
We would have had a lovely time away from home if home hadn't kept calling. We'd been with the in-laws for less than an hour Saturday when Twitch called to tell us that Sproing had been arrested for shoplifting at Wal-Mart. The kid (Sproing, not Twitch) is supposed to be grounded, which means not leaving home. But he snuck out with his partner in crime, walked to the store and got caught shoplifting. The sheriff's deputy brought him home and released him to Twitch, who is for their purposes an adult. The deputy called me, though, and we talked about Sproing. I would like for her to have taken the little snake to jail, but she said they couldn't do that for a shoplifting charge. Oh well. Once he goes to court for this offense, though, he may get sent to the DJJ facility. Whatever. I've done what I can with the little snot. I'm sick and stupid. I can't talk to him.
We've done what we can, you know? Of course we haven't been perfect. There are probably a lot of things we could have/should have done differently. But we did our best. Are still trying to do our best. These little snots (both of them) can go hang. Right now I don't care.
Diva did OK, I think, this weekend. She doesn't seem to have caused any major trouble, at least none that we are aware of now. I appreciate that from her.
Also, on Saturday evening Twitch called telling us that the fireplace chimney wasn't drawing properly and there was smoke all through the house. Well, shit. Though when we got home Sunday night Superman couldn't find anything wrong with the chimney. It worked fine yesterday. Oh well. And while we were gone the dryer broke. The heating element quit working somehow. Superman took the back off the dryer yesterday and found the broken part. He showed me. It's small and has a name. Some kind of regulator thing. I don't remember because I am stupid today. But he's already ordered a replacement part and hopefully will have it fixed later this week.
I did some knitting over the weekend. Knitting is a good thing to do when visiting with my parents-in-law. It keeps my fingers busy, gives me an outlet for nervous energy, and provides a safe topic on which to speak. And that's all I know.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Hair and death
Diva got a new 'do. She wanted me to share it with you.
She hates this second picture because it shows her teeth. She says she has baby teeth, but they look pretty good to me. Of course, being the parent, I think they look good primarily because she doesn't need braces, so her teeth aren't as expensive as, say, Light's teeth, which look good now because we spent thousands on getting them straightened.
These pictures were taken with her standing just outside her bedroom. This is her bedroom door, the outside of it. She "decorated" it herself without permission. It's ugly and tacky and pisses me off every time I see it. And I see it every time I come in the house, since it's opposite the foyer in the hallway.
What else was I going to tell you? I know, let's talk about death. We, Superman and I, are at an age where a lot of our older relatives are dying. Just yesterday Superman's Aunt Jackie died. Poor ol' gal has been hanging on by a thread for a while now. She got dementia and hung around for a while with that, but recently began deteriorating rapidly. Aunt Jackie is the older sister of Superman's mother, and the nicest of all the siblings. She got all the nice that her older sister missed. The oldest aunt is a sour, spiteful woman, and still alive. Superman says she's too sour to die. Preserved, as it were, with her sour attitude. Anyway, we may be taking a 500 mile round trip for Aunt Jackie's funeral. Not sure we're going, depends on a few things that depend, gas prices being one of those things. (I could rant about gas prices, but I'm sure you can find lots of other such rants most places on the internet these days.)
In other death news, the mother of my long-standing best friend from childhood died last Sunday. Her husband died last year (I don't remember exactly when, but I think it was within the past six months). Her name is Pat. She's a hoot. Graveside service and interment is Monday in Ohio, though they've lived in Florida since 1972? Early '70s, anyway. But the family is originally from Ohio, so that's where she's gone to decompose. Pat was like a second mother to me. Honestly, my mother was a bit nicer than Pat, but Pat was more interesting. She had a bigger zest for life. She was also a lot crazier than my mom. We found out years later that she was abusing prescription drugs that whole time, so that's an interesting twist. She was a good Catholic wife, had five babies, of which my girlfriend is number four. And five children was a bit much for her to handle, I think. Now, she might have gone crazy otherwise, but I suspect raising five children pushed her over the edge.
My friend posted on facebork last week that she was in the ER with her mom. I commented that I'd just had a dream about Pat. I'd just woken from a nap and logged onto facebork when I saw the post. While napping, I had a dream in which Pat appeared. Can't remember much about the dream, and Pat was, I think, a minor player in the dreamscape drama. And she was drunk. So I commented on the facebork post "I just had a dream about your mother. Aside from being drunk, she was fine." Well, my friend passed that message on to Pat, who had a hearty laugh at that. I am really glad that at least I got to help Pat laugh again before she died.
And I think I've mentioned that Superman's father is in really bad shape. He only has about half of one kidney left, the rest of his kidney parts having been surgically removed a few years ago. And that partial kidney is failing. And he refuses to go on dialysis. I don't blame him for that, though. I'd probably make the same decision were I in that situation. He's ready to die. And once he goes, my MIL will not hang on long, I think. Superman's brother who lives in the area mentioned that their mom seems to be losing her memory. Lordy, I hope she doesn't get the dementia that Aunt Jackie had. That will be ugly.
Although I'm not on death's door or anything, I'm coming down with some kind of ick. But not fish ick. My lungs are tight and heavy-feeling and my throat and right ear are beginning to hurt. Superman had these symptoms right after Christmas, spent over a week being too sick to do much. I'm trying to get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids - and not beer, either! Speaking of which, I could have oatmeal and milk for breakfast: Highland Oatmeal Porter and Duck-Rabbit Milk Stout, both of which are currently in our beer crisper. But I'm not. I had some yogurt instead. And now I'm going to put that load of laundry in the dryer and go back to bed.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Today in spam
Your penis doesn't work well? Don’t be spaced out! Run to a drugstore!
I'm afraid it's true. My penis does not work very well. It's hardly even there. But I don't think running to a drugstore will help my penis.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Whilst wandering around YouTube
It started with a video in an email from my mother, of all people. One that she sent to me and my two brothers.
My grandfather on my daddy's side was proud of his Scottish heritage. He had not only a kilt, genuine made in Scotland, genuine family tartan, but also had the formal shirt and vest/coat thingie to go with it. He cut a dashing figure. I'm not sure if he'd be proud or scandalized by this video. With him, it could go either way. He had a healthy and somewhat perverse sense of humor along with fierce Scottish loyalty.
And you know how YouTube leads you on with suggested videos. So, speaking of kilts...
I especially like the sweet fella in the shorty kilt. Also, my grandfather told me that a woman's kilt is called a kilty. I looked it up and found this:
which, I mean, wow.
There's another suggested video at the end of this one showcasing the Tom of Finland Spring line from 1999. Haven't watched that one yet, but it's queued up.
My grandfather on my daddy's side was proud of his Scottish heritage. He had not only a kilt, genuine made in Scotland, genuine family tartan, but also had the formal shirt and vest/coat thingie to go with it. He cut a dashing figure. I'm not sure if he'd be proud or scandalized by this video. With him, it could go either way. He had a healthy and somewhat perverse sense of humor along with fierce Scottish loyalty.
And you know how YouTube leads you on with suggested videos. So, speaking of kilts...
I especially like the sweet fella in the shorty kilt. Also, my grandfather told me that a woman's kilt is called a kilty. I looked it up and found this:
which looks like a woman's shoe to me, so perhaps Grandpapa was blowing smoke up my kilt. Or maybe the definition has changed, or is different by location.
Anyway, once we had sexy men in sexy kilts, it was a logical leap to this:
which, I mean, wow.
There's another suggested video at the end of this one showcasing the Tom of Finland Spring line from 1999. Haven't watched that one yet, but it's queued up.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
This Thursday thing seems to be a trend [Now with updates!!]
If I'm only posting once a week, Thursday seems like as good a day as any to do so.
Happy Thanksgiving. No, wait, it's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, a day in which I give thanks for my most wonderful husband.
...And, incidentally, my son Twitch's birthday. Happy Birthday, Twitch! He's living at home now, again, looking for work. Today he turns 22. I just talked to him. The gay boys were up late last night "tripping on something" and evidently being pretty noisy about it. I didn't hear a thing, but that's not unusual. I'm at the other end of the house with my CPAP making soothing white noise in my nose all night. But they woke up Twitch, and now he's in a snit. He went back to sleep and only woke up again at 9:30. He is currently drinking some coffee. I told him to take a shower. Hopefully he'll feel better after he eats.
I have yet to get his birthday gifts. He wants wool socks and some fine whiskey. Was chatting with Victor last night who said he got wool socks for his husband at Kmart, so I should look there. And I will, but I reminded Victor that there's a big difference in what items the big box stores stock depending on their location. He is in Vermont, I'm in South Carolina. My chance of finding wool socks in the Kmart here is significantly lower than if I were in Vermont. Did you know that there are no snow shovels at either Kmart or Walmart in this town? At least I don't think there are. Have never seen any. Actually, until Light moved to Pennsylvania, I don't think I'd ever seen a snow shovel. Didn't know what they look like. I saw one when I visited her last year.
That paragraph went all over the place, didn't it?
We're struggling with Diva again/still. She needs to go someplace else. I cleaned out my old dresser (we're rearranging our bedroom, sort of) and found a list of possible placements for the girl. I'll look those up online today, see if anything seems suitable. She's sort of falling between the cracks here. She's too extreme for the group home-type places that are what they call "low management" but not quite crazy enough for the "high management" treatment centers. We haven't found anything in between yet. Still looking.
Recently I've fallen into the trap of taking a morning nap sometime between 9 and noon. It's 10:15 now, and I feel so sleepy! But I'm resisting. The longer I sit here, though, the harder it is to resist. I need to either get up and DO something or go on to sleep. Think I'll do something, like go buy booze and socks. Also, I need to bake a lemon meringue pie for the birthday boy. So I'm off to do those things now. Ta ta!
UPDATE: I ended up not even looking for the wool socks. I might look tomorrow, or order some online or something. Twitch will be happy to get them even if they're late. I did, however, find some booze. I got him a bottle of Bushmills. That stuff is not cheap! I hope he enjoys and appreciates it.
I made two pies, one lemon meringue and one chocolate cream. Maybe I'll take pictures.
And I did not have a nap! Though right now I'm feelin' the need. The casserole that Twitch requested is in the oven now. Superman made it last night at Sproing's request, and it was so well received that Twitch wanted it again tonight. It's a simple salmagundi of rice, canned chicken meat, a few frozen peas, and assorted cheeses. I think. Superman invented it based on stuff Sproing likes. After supper I'll give Twitch his gift (I even wrapped it nice and all) and we'll attack the pies.
Happy Thanksgiving. No, wait, it's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, a day in which I give thanks for my most wonderful husband.
...And, incidentally, my son Twitch's birthday. Happy Birthday, Twitch! He's living at home now, again, looking for work. Today he turns 22. I just talked to him. The gay boys were up late last night "tripping on something" and evidently being pretty noisy about it. I didn't hear a thing, but that's not unusual. I'm at the other end of the house with my CPAP making soothing white noise in my nose all night. But they woke up Twitch, and now he's in a snit. He went back to sleep and only woke up again at 9:30. He is currently drinking some coffee. I told him to take a shower. Hopefully he'll feel better after he eats.
I have yet to get his birthday gifts. He wants wool socks and some fine whiskey. Was chatting with Victor last night who said he got wool socks for his husband at Kmart, so I should look there. And I will, but I reminded Victor that there's a big difference in what items the big box stores stock depending on their location. He is in Vermont, I'm in South Carolina. My chance of finding wool socks in the Kmart here is significantly lower than if I were in Vermont. Did you know that there are no snow shovels at either Kmart or Walmart in this town? At least I don't think there are. Have never seen any. Actually, until Light moved to Pennsylvania, I don't think I'd ever seen a snow shovel. Didn't know what they look like. I saw one when I visited her last year.
That paragraph went all over the place, didn't it?
We're struggling with Diva again/still. She needs to go someplace else. I cleaned out my old dresser (we're rearranging our bedroom, sort of) and found a list of possible placements for the girl. I'll look those up online today, see if anything seems suitable. She's sort of falling between the cracks here. She's too extreme for the group home-type places that are what they call "low management" but not quite crazy enough for the "high management" treatment centers. We haven't found anything in between yet. Still looking.
Recently I've fallen into the trap of taking a morning nap sometime between 9 and noon. It's 10:15 now, and I feel so sleepy! But I'm resisting. The longer I sit here, though, the harder it is to resist. I need to either get up and DO something or go on to sleep. Think I'll do something, like go buy booze and socks. Also, I need to bake a lemon meringue pie for the birthday boy. So I'm off to do those things now. Ta ta!
UPDATE: I ended up not even looking for the wool socks. I might look tomorrow, or order some online or something. Twitch will be happy to get them even if they're late. I did, however, find some booze. I got him a bottle of Bushmills. That stuff is not cheap! I hope he enjoys and appreciates it.
I made two pies, one lemon meringue and one chocolate cream. Maybe I'll take pictures.
And I did not have a nap! Though right now I'm feelin' the need. The casserole that Twitch requested is in the oven now. Superman made it last night at Sproing's request, and it was so well received that Twitch wanted it again tonight. It's a simple salmagundi of rice, canned chicken meat, a few frozen peas, and assorted cheeses. I think. Superman invented it based on stuff Sproing likes. After supper I'll give Twitch his gift (I even wrapped it nice and all) and we'll attack the pies.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Oh look! It's Thursday again.
OK y'all, about this dental floss. Incidentally, it was made in Ireland. How cool is that? Good for the Irish. Second and more irrationally, it has an expiration date. This is dental floss, folks. It "expires" in March of 2014. What happens then? Does it self destruct? If I still have this same floss by then, I'll be sure to forget to report on its activity come March of next year.
I was concerned about the texture of this stuff. I intended to get that ribbon-like floss, but got this thick yet spongy/fuzzy looking weird thing. Turns out it's OK. I works. I was afraid it would shred upon use, but the stuff is pretty sturdy.
Alrighty then, enough about dental hygiene.
What else do you want to know? Oh, exciting stuff! Superman and I are going to the Spo-stravaganza weekend! I made the reservations yesterday. It's a blog buddy meet-up. I'll see some of the fine folks I've met before, and meet a bunch of new people. And everyone will get to meet Superman for the first time. I think he's only ever met one of my friends who I met through blogging.
Which means we'll be leaving the kids at home for a long weekend. That should prove interesting. (translation: I'm scared) Twitch is living at home again, so he'll be here. His 22nd birthday is a week from today. So, another "adult" to watch over the crazy ones. C and his not-boyfriend-but-wishes-he-was are also in da house. Not that they do much with or for the kidlets. They're here in case of emergency, but do not provide any kind of guidance or reminders for the kids, and these young'uns need lots of guidance. Hopefully Twitch can do some of that.
We are looking into placement options for the Diva. She needs to get out of here, both for her sake and mine. A couple of weeks ago I was ready to drop kick her out of my life, but I've backed up on that resolve somewhat. Still uncertain. We both need a healthy break from each other. After having a couple of good conversations (I think they were. God only knows what Diva thinks) this week, I feel that there may be some hope for continuing this parent/child relationship. The whole thing has me tied in knots. I just don't know.
I do know, however, that I'm going out to lunch with Superman shortly. I should get dressed, huh? Yeah, I'll go do that now.
I was concerned about the texture of this stuff. I intended to get that ribbon-like floss, but got this thick yet spongy/fuzzy looking weird thing. Turns out it's OK. I works. I was afraid it would shred upon use, but the stuff is pretty sturdy.Alrighty then, enough about dental hygiene.
What else do you want to know? Oh, exciting stuff! Superman and I are going to the Spo-stravaganza weekend! I made the reservations yesterday. It's a blog buddy meet-up. I'll see some of the fine folks I've met before, and meet a bunch of new people. And everyone will get to meet Superman for the first time. I think he's only ever met one of my friends who I met through blogging.
Which means we'll be leaving the kids at home for a long weekend. That should prove interesting. (translation: I'm scared) Twitch is living at home again, so he'll be here. His 22nd birthday is a week from today. So, another "adult" to watch over the crazy ones. C and his not-boyfriend-but-wishes-he-was are also in da house. Not that they do much with or for the kidlets. They're here in case of emergency, but do not provide any kind of guidance or reminders for the kids, and these young'uns need lots of guidance. Hopefully Twitch can do some of that.
We are looking into placement options for the Diva. She needs to get out of here, both for her sake and mine. A couple of weeks ago I was ready to drop kick her out of my life, but I've backed up on that resolve somewhat. Still uncertain. We both need a healthy break from each other. After having a couple of good conversations (I think they were. God only knows what Diva thinks) this week, I feel that there may be some hope for continuing this parent/child relationship. The whole thing has me tied in knots. I just don't know.
I do know, however, that I'm going out to lunch with Superman shortly. I should get dressed, huh? Yeah, I'll go do that now.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Flossing and problems related thereunto
My smallest problem today is that I bought a new container of dental floss and I don't know if I'm going to like this style. It was on sale. I chose the 50 meter amount instead of the 25 meter amount, because it's a better deal, you know. But I didn't realize what kind of floss it is, and I don't know if I'm going to like this. It's fuzzy. I wanted the ribbon kind, not this freaky stuff. Why does buying dental floss have to be so complicated? I'm too stressed these days to handle these kinds of complications in my life. Fifty meters of dental floss is a commitment I'm going to have to live with for a long time.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Filipedulous
filipendulous
Pronunciation: (fi-li-PEN-juh-luhs, -PEN-dyoo-)
Meaning: adjective: Hanging by a thread.
Etymology: From Latin filum (thread) + pendere (to hang). Ultimately from the Indo-European root (s)pen- (to draw, to spin), which is also the source of pendulum, spider, pound, pansy, pendant, ponder, appendix, penthouse, depend, and spontaneous. Earliest documented use: 1864.
Pronunciation: (fi-li-PEN-juh-luhs, -PEN-dyoo-)
Meaning: adjective: Hanging by a thread.
Etymology: From Latin filum (thread) + pendere (to hang). Ultimately from the Indo-European root (s)pen- (to draw, to spin), which is also the source of pendulum, spider, pound, pansy, pendant, ponder, appendix, penthouse, depend, and spontaneous. Earliest documented use: 1864.
This is the A.Word.A.Day word in my inbox this morning. How very appropriate.
Perhaps I've been navel gazing a bit too much. Or perhaps my life is currently in the shitter. Or a combination of both.
I'm not a fun person to be around these days. And I'm afraid I may have inadvertently insulted a friend. That hurts as much as anything else going wrong in my life right now.
Never mind. Move along. Nothing to see here, folks.
Maybe I need some lolcats therapy.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Quote for today, and contemplation on our current situation
"Don't be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you. Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do. Even mistakes mean you're trying." -- Susan Gale
Those words give me comfort. There's a huge wad of discomfort in my life right now, so a touch of Nice is nice. And of course I tend to be pretty hard on myself. I think a lot of people are their own worst critics.
So today I have been making phone calls to the state Department of Social Services (DSS) trying to find someone who has even heard of the idea of adoptive parents relinquishing parental rights in a failed adoption. And it's emotionally wrenching. I haven't really spent much time on the phone. I've been redirected a few times, and left a voice mail message at the last number I called. So here we are.
I got a reference to a family law attorney in town. Don't know the guy, but he was recommended by someone I like and trust. I want to see what I can get from DSS before I call him. Maybe. Unless I don't.
Let's talk about this big failure. Work with me here. The adoption has failed. We have tried very hard to make it work. That's my point of view anyway. Maybe we could have done more, been open to more possibilities, had better attitudes and expectations for success. I don't know. As for me, I gave it the best I have. Or had. I feel bad about it, though. I know we need to legally disengage from her. I am ready to proceed. But I'm very sad about it. Even though I know we've done all we can, it still feels like failure.
And the road ahead is rough. I expect the process will not be easy. Not emotionally, for sure, but probably not bureaucratically easy either. And will take a long time. I don't know what "a long time" means exactly.
And that's about all I can say about it today.
Those words give me comfort. There's a huge wad of discomfort in my life right now, so a touch of Nice is nice. And of course I tend to be pretty hard on myself. I think a lot of people are their own worst critics.
So today I have been making phone calls to the state Department of Social Services (DSS) trying to find someone who has even heard of the idea of adoptive parents relinquishing parental rights in a failed adoption. And it's emotionally wrenching. I haven't really spent much time on the phone. I've been redirected a few times, and left a voice mail message at the last number I called. So here we are.
I got a reference to a family law attorney in town. Don't know the guy, but he was recommended by someone I like and trust. I want to see what I can get from DSS before I call him. Maybe. Unless I don't.
Let's talk about this big failure. Work with me here. The adoption has failed. We have tried very hard to make it work. That's my point of view anyway. Maybe we could have done more, been open to more possibilities, had better attitudes and expectations for success. I don't know. As for me, I gave it the best I have. Or had. I feel bad about it, though. I know we need to legally disengage from her. I am ready to proceed. But I'm very sad about it. Even though I know we've done all we can, it still feels like failure.
And the road ahead is rough. I expect the process will not be easy. Not emotionally, for sure, but probably not bureaucratically easy either. And will take a long time. I don't know what "a long time" means exactly.
And that's about all I can say about it today.
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